Written yesterday, while waiting for my flight home.
My plan was to spend 2 months living and loving life in Costa Rica. Touching down that first day, I looked around at the hills and mountains, the way the clouds skimmed the top, and the way the sun exposed everything, and I couldn’t have envisioned leaving a moment sooner than July 21st.
Yet here I am, a month later, sitting in SJO waiting for my flight home.
Some people who know me well may say, “I knew she wouldn’t want to be away for so long,” while others are no doubting saying, “is she crazy?! I’d never come back.” I think that until I was here in Costa Rica, living what was once my dream, I wasn’t sure how I would feel. I knew for sure that I wanted to experience living elsewhere for a short time. I wanted to improve my Spanish and develop a yoga practice. I wanted the time to think clearly about what I would want to accomplish when I got home. Did I want to work full time again? Did I still want to be a graphic designer when the field is so narrow? I want to get married and have kids, but when? I couldn’t sort through many of those things prior to my trip, due to a lot of cloudiness. I felt like after a few years in a very unhappy place professionally, I needed to turn that attention towards my personal life. I have a great partner in William, but how can I improve myself and ultimately both of our lives together?
I think alone time is highly underestimated. For someone who talks an awful lot, I spend a lot of time a lone in my head with my own thoughts. It it is easy for us to fall into day to day patterns, ignoring the small cries that are trying to tell us to slow down and take our time thinking things through. Have you ever spent some time not doing anything, just thinking about things, or spent a whole day with yourself saying, “I’m going to do whatever I feel like doing today?” I finally got to do that, a whole bunch of times, and I really liked spending time with myself. The lifestyle in Montezuma is one where you have plenty of time to do those sorts of things. I wrote a lot, spent a lot of time meeting and talking to new people, getting wicked cases of sunburn, and speaking terrible spanish. I spent some time working on my warrior poses, and even more time listening to crickets, howler monkeys, and reggae music. I love Costa Rica. I love Montezuma dearly. I will never forget what the sand, sun, and ocean feels like (warm, comforting), the amazing people who live there ( just as warm as the sun, too), and every experience I hope never to take for granted. Monica and I had the best time ever, and I know for sure, she and I will definitely travel together in the future to other warm, sunny locales.
Still, after one month, I think I accomplished what I came to do. I didn’t want my trip to turn into a 2 month long party, and I could see it heading in that direction. I’m not an undergrad, and I had no desire to feel that way again. I began to feel very homesick, especially after seeing my family gathered together on Father’s Day via Google Video. After the screen went dark, I cried and cried, for what is surely my real source of happiness was so far away. No adventure could ever bring the kind of joy (or stress for that matter lol) that my family brings me. Even Talia and Louis in front of the screen made me pine for my warm bed and cute little dogs laying at my feet. That feeling, combined with what would turn out to be a week dealing with a stomach bug made me long to be home. I remembered that at almost 29 years old, at this current place in my life, I can do whatever the hell I feel like doing. For some people, that means seeing the world with no return date in site. For me, it means I am completely content being the type of person who takes a few vacations a year. I once thought that such thinking would make me boring and out of touch. Now? I don’t really care. I am smart enough and resourceful enough to never get bored for the rest of my life. I am also strong enough and wise enough to know when its time to focus on something else.
I am happy I will always have this experience, and I feel blessed that I could afford the opportunity. I am even more lucky that I fully appreciate what it means to go home and truly love the life I have made for myself there. I am blessed to have figured out that there is no better place for me than with my family and friends, and that I could be anywhere and be home as long as they are there.
PS- One of you will inevitably ask if I regret quitting my job to travel ONLY for one month, so let me just say, before you get it twisted, the following official statement.
HELL NO I DON’T REGRET IT. Not one bit.